By: Sherina Nicole
“I wish my confidence and instincts didn’t have a mute button. ”
"You've got to wear a condom"
"I don't like them."
"You've got to wear a condom."
"I can't feel anything with that on."
"You've got to wear a condom. I'm not on the pill"
"I'll pull out."
"I don't want to get pregnant."
"You won't get pregnant. I promise. Just for a minute, baby."
What is your usual response? Honestly?
I wish mine has always been to do what I know I am want to say and need to say. I wish my response is always the one that spares me the anxiety for days and weeks later until I get my period and take a pregnancy test. I wish my response was always for my benefit. I wish I didn't sometimes compromise, allowing someone else the space and power to define my near future. I wish I would always trust myself, not to make a conversation out of what is a statement. I wish I could always remember that "No," is a complete sentence.
I wish that the sass I emote 95 percent of the time followed me to the bedroom, every time. I wish my confidence and my instincts didn't have a mute button.
If I could just get him to understand my perspective, my point of view.
If I could just get him to see where I am coming from. If I could just get us on the same page so that we can both fully enjoy our time spent together, in this bed.
If only I could get him to understand.
I wish I had a choice.
Wait. But I do have a choice, don't I?
