By: Sherina Nicole
I recently went to my dermatologist’s office for a check up. As a part of a new medical treatment I was to undergo, it was made clear more ways than one that I was not to become pregnant while taking this medication. The reason: the child would without a doubt have long term birth defects.
After washing my hands, I sat in the paper covered chair awaiting the results of my regular, mandatory pregnancy test. Even now, having sat in many doctors office's awaiting test results for HIV, STI's, and STD's, every minute is tormenting. The PA, a hilarious, stand up man came in without his normal smile. “Do you want to tell me what happened here?”
“I was laughing but wasn’t shit funny. My entire future had been brought into question, in jest...”
The immediate silence was deafening. The flood of questions and disbeliefs crammed in my mind -- all unseen by him. “How? HOW is this happening?” “What happens now?” “Can I raise a baby right now?” “Have I damaged their future?” I was freaking the hell out, ok? My usual sassiness was muted. A regular doctor's appointment was now a living nightmare.
Unplanned pregnancy has always been a source of real agony for me. Since the first time having sex, I have always freaked if my period was even one day late. In this moment, seeing past the physician assistant, I felt the weight of all that would come with being pregnant and the very real choices I would have to consider. The plan that I had decided before even becoming sexually active years go, to wait until I was truly ready to support a child to have a child, was now all of sudden cut off; I had let myself and my potential child down in seconds. Would my partner be supportive? My family? Could I do really do this? Did I want to do this?
And then a smile crept on his face. I won’t pretend to remember what he said; the smile was all that registered. The smile transitioned to laughter and was soon joined by my own. I was laughing but wasn't shit funny. My entire future had been brought into question, in jest, and I was still too nervous to call the assistant out on his unprofessionalism. It somehow was more intimidating to advocate for myself than to have my own feather’s inappropriately ruffled.
The Fuqs:
- Pregnancies, those that are scares, expected, or surprising are serious and should be treated as such. Joking about being pregnant or about someone else being pregnant is NOT funny.
- We should not assume to know anyone's story. Who knows, I may have been looking forward to a pregnancy, I may have had a miscarriage. I may have chosen to receive an abortion in my past. Perhaps someone in my family or a dear friend experienced one of the aforementioned.
Whatever the case, no matter your stance on pregnancy, it must be agreed that it is no laughing matter. Let’s keep it that way.
