Photo by Italo Melo from Pexels
I’m back at it again, continuing the sex coach guide to making the new year yours. Facing the new year is as much about planning what you want to do, as it is about being clear about what you do not want to continue doing!
Last week we started off our guide to getting ready for the new year with goal setting. This week we are adding the next step to in our 3-step guide to preparing for the new year- boundary setting!
Why Set Boundaries In A Relationship
Setting boundaries is another way of making a commitment to yourself. By setting boundaries in your relationships you are identifying, feeling, and protecting your value. At the same time, you are engineering more space for fun, happiness, and pleasure in the new year!
In order to set healthy boundaries innately requires you to get more in tuned with what does and does not make you comfortable in real time, or else there is no way that you can discuss it with someone else.
And if you don’t communicate your boundaries, how can you ensure that your mental and physical space are protected and treated in the manner you want them to be treated?
Who To Set Boundaries With
Everyone! All relationships, sexual, familiar, platonic, and work-related deserve to have clear and healthy boundaries set. Any sex, intimacy or health coach can attest to that! How many times, over how many years, will you allow you co-worker, parent, or partner to mishandle you?
When to Set Boundaries
Now! Once you are clear on what your sexual, emotional, and physical boundaries are, let ‘em be known! This is about protecting your value, space, and energy. Why waste any time?
How to Set Boundaries
Write it out to be clear.
Got all the feelings swirling in your head and none of the words? That is not abnormal. Often we feel something is wrong before we can readily identify what it is.
Take pen to paper, set aside some time to yourself, and write out. Get to know yourself. Things will become clearer.
Find a time and a safe space.
When you are able to, it is helpful to find a time and space to communicate your boundaries. In your sexual and intimate relationships it is very important to make clear how you would like to be treated in and out of the bedroom.
However, setting boundaries can happen in real time to! There may be times when your feel the need to share and set a boundary with haste. Trust your instincts.
Practice saying no.
Saying no is learned and requires practice often. Practice makes perfect! This is another reason, why writing out what your boundaries can help you and your partner remain clear of what your boundaries are.
Stick to it.
Respecting boundaries has to be done by you and your partner. If your partner tries to push your boundaries, call it out. If not, you take the risk of you or your partner not taking your boundaries, and therefore your value, seriously.
The F.U.Qs
Get to know yourself. It help to clarify and share your boundaries
Writing out your boundaries help keep you and your partner aware.
Setting boundaries help you identify warning signs of people that may challenge your space and safety.
Every relationship should have them, to protect your value.
