We all know the saying, first comes marriage and then comes baby in the baby carriage. In 2019, some folk prefer to first come with the baby, and then figure out the marriage thing later. Though not an new idea at all, the mention of a baby before marriage still holds the same shock value.
What’s up with millennials and marriage?
Back in the Day
Marriage is a practice that has been around for ages. But the the meaning behind the marriage, the desire for it always depended on where you were and when. In much of the world, and for a very long time, marriage has been another source of power to organize and control power globally.
Then there have been marriages that had circled around love. There has been marriages for economic gain, physical safety, and unplanned pregnancies. There have also been marriages made out of years of loving and growing together and those made out of a real, ever growing love that has to be made note of.
What’s Changed?
Taking Their Time Getting Hitched
Women’s Health Magazine did a little math when it comes to the trends in the age when most decide to go down the aisle. According the U.S. Census Bureau, for their first marriage, women are around 27 while men are around 29.
Less than 20 years ago, the average age was 24. Go back to the 80’s and people were married by 22, on average. When looks at as just number there may not seem to a significant difference. But when considering how much can change from when we are age 22 to when we are age 27, these numbers can take on a different meaning for some of us.
Unmarried Parents Going Up
Slowing down the timing of when couples get married has not slowed down when they have had children. According to the Pew Research Center, now, 1 in 4 parents living with a child is unmarried, in the U.S. in the 60’s it was only 7%. Between the 1990’s and, now there has been almost a 10% jump in the number of homes children and unmarried parents.
That means that more parents are choosing parenthood before committing to marriage.
Why?
Changes in the Unmarried “Look”
For one, the meaning of being unmarried has shifted. Before to be unmarried was usually assume to be a single mom. Single dad’s have remained steady at 12%. Now, even though they still fall under the unmarried umbrella, they only barely take up the majority. Now instead, cohabitating parents, parents that are unmarried but live together are moving in.
More of these cohabitating parents have less education and are younger in age, but they are less likely to live with one of their parents.
Single parent have a higher chance of living below the poverty line, but typically have fewer children than unmarried couple that live together.
Sadly what has not changed are the ways that race play a part, especially when considering single parents. Of solo-parents that identify as black, black mothers make up 89%. This beats the national average, which is 81% for single-mothers in the U.S. Only 3% are Asian and Hispanics are noted to have a good balance across the board.
Drop in Marriage Rates
Many folk, including millennial, still see how getting married can be something to aspire, but the drop in the marriage rate definitely does not help.
Divorce rates have been climbing every year. And now, 25% of millennials are projected to never get a married, ever. The marriage rate may see a dip as far down as 70%. Gen X were about 82% for their marriage rate.
So, when you do the math, are millennials really just are not into the idea?
Can’t Afford to Get Married
Sometimes, it not so much the idea of marriage but the ability to afford marriage and all it comes with that is getting in the way.
In 2016, John’s Hopkins did a study that showed that access to higher income and education level played a serious part partners wanting to get married before having children.
The Atlantic noted that in cases where income was lower and there was a gap in education level, there was a higher chance of a pregnancy out of wedlock.
For some, they may want to get married but they simply can’t afford it. So cohabitating is a the easier option.
Change in Attitude
Listen, millennials get the name for a reason. We’re just… different. And naturally for many, the approach to marriage is different. For some, the more traditional idea of marriage is too traditional.
For some, getting married is just not a major priority. Some find this way of thinking to be selfish or undeveloped.
But for some, work, becoming a parent, or a slew of other personal goals mean more than a marriage.
Are They Wrong?
The Traditionals
Who in the world knows?
We do know that for some, having a baby before marriage was better. For women like Gabrielle, having a baby before getting married was something she was grateful for. It pushed her to work through her issues with the father of her child even though they had not known each other long before getting pregnant.
Some still prefer the traditional ideas of marriage, and the real emotional and financial security that it can provide.
The Inbetweeners
And then there are those that think of ways of how marriage can officially get an upgrade. Known by many as marital options, people have are coming up with new ways to approach marriage.
From 2-year, renewable marriages to open marriages, there are a slew of ways that partners are publicly and privately approaching what their marriage will be based on, how it will run on a day to day basis, and what it will all mean.
So Is Marriage Outdated?
No. Marriage is still very much an option, now it just is not the only one. With each option there are significant pros and cons to be considered. What each partner wants and expects from a marriage is always evolving. And that’s OK. That’s the way it should be.
The F.U.Qs
Marriage is not an outdated concept. The expectations of marriage have shifted, though
Nothing when it comes to relationships is one-size fits all.
Being honest about what options are available to you and what is important to you is essential in any and every part of the process when starting a family, no matter the timing.
