This is Women’s History Month y’all and I am wondering what makes up a woman? It is fantastic as a black woman to be able to see and celebrate people similar to you who have been able to do incredible things, but what I am I supposed to do with that? Considering the past, how can I woman up in 2019?
The understanding of sex, what it means, and when it should or shouldn’t happen have been pivotal questions in the past years and it continues to be. So this Woman’s History Month, me and All The F.U.Qs is asking, what’s to a woman? How can I woman up?
To Woman Ain’t Easy
Let’s be clear, being a black woman has never been easy. The burden of being a black woman in America or anywhere, really is a challenge not for the faint of heart. How do I know? Because we are already doing it! The first key to understanding how to woman up in 2019 is to understand that it is a daily effort that you, (or those around you, if you don’t identify as a woman) have been doing every single day.
These women that we celebrate, were not woman-ing up for any one other than themselves and what they know they are worth. Woman’s History Month and International Woman’s Day is a great reminder to celebrate ourselves. It is also true that these celebrations do not need to happen in a vacuum or only after we have done something that others consider extraordinary. That is the whole point!
It can be as simple as daring to have sex with the lights on or being honest that you don’t want to stay in a relationship, and they are all ways that you can woman up and show up for you.
To Woman Up is to Speak Up
To woman up is to speak up. This is not to be confused with being outspoken. Not every woman sources her power from being the loudest in the room all of the time. Honestly, always looking to be the loudest can make me feel very draining.
But that doesn’t mean that if I choose to be quiet I can’t still advocate for myself.
With sex, it can feel weird to say no or to be honest about the things I want or don’t want to participate in. But weird does not always mean wrong. From having to advocate for my partner to use a condom to stopping someone from continuing to give me bad head, self-advocacy is a must if you want to get what you want.
Whether it was my first time or my millionth time having sex,advocating can only come naturally if I do it enough that it feels natural.
To Woman Up is to be Sexually Respected
Now this one has been splattered all over the news for years, from Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein to R'. Kelly and our 45th, the real is boiling to the surface. Sexual respect is meant to be dealt and shared equally between all those involved.
Stories from last year like Aziz’s, highlight the importance of clear and honest communication. Sexual desire is meant to be shared, not just given or taken.
To Woman Up is to Enjoy Pleasure
Chasing pleasure instead of looking to be pleased is the move! It sounds simple enough but it is only relatively recently in life that I am letting myself actually welcome and experience joy sexually. Starting with self pleasuring toys was a wake up call to what my body could do for itself.
Then, with time it got easier to see how I could include someone else in my pleasure and have fun during sex! So now, when it comes to sex, pleasure is a must not a maybe.
Ok that’s enough from me. Hit the comments below and let us know how you are woman-ing up for yourself this March and everyday after.
The FUQS
Every woman’s definition of what it means to be a woman will be different, but it is important to form your definition. Know what code you are living by.
Women’s Month is ours to take hold of.
As a young woman, I wish more women were honest about their fears, so mine wouldn’t have felt so silly and shameful. Now, that I am learning, its important to pay it forward.
