Doubt is a serious S.O.B. The equally dangerous cousin to fear, doubt has the ability to make us lose out on great opportunities or stay in situations that are not for our betterment. Doubt in a relationship is common, and how we deal with it typically is too. When considering doubt in a relationship, the type of relationship does not really matter. Yup, you read that right. The relationship can be romantic, purely sexual, familial, or friendly. The type of relationship does not matter when considering doubt in a relationship, because we tend to react to doubt the same way no matter what the relationship is. Why is that? More importantly, how do we make it stop? We at All The FUQs want to know!
Why Do We Ignore Doubt In A Relationship?
We have all been there. Hey - you might be there right now! You are with someone but things aren’t perfect, or great, or maybe not even OK. You like some things about them, but are those things enough? Simultaneously, there is a whisper in your mind, a rumbling in your stomach or an almost obvious stamp your forehead alarming you that something is off.
“I have also sabotaged myself, afraid that I might just be right!”
Or, maybe the opposite is true. You are happy, finally, but the people around you are not supporting your happiness because it doesn’t look or sound right. Then what?
Doubt in a relationship, any relationship, has less to do with the other person and so much more to do with our ability to listen to ourselves and trust ourselves. Consistently we choose to question ourselves, the only person who will EVER FULLY have your back, before we question someone else.
Doubt In A Relationship Happens To All Of US
“Doubt in a relationship, any relationship, has less to do with the other person and so much more to do with our ability to listen to ourselves and trust ourselves. ”
I can speak on this because I have been in this too many times. I have allowed myself to pursue relationships, sexual, romantic and friendly, that I knew did not have a long shelf life. I have pretended to be committed to friends and to romantic relationships that a part of me knew did not have a strong enough foundation to last. I have laughed with my enemies and sipped wine with people that would never fully ever have my back.
I have also sabotaged myself, afraid that I might just be right! I have been in relationships that make me happy in a way I not prepared for, and fought it tooth and nail, somehow not seeing how it could last. I’ve consistently questioned people who have stood by me, been honest with me, and told me the truth, because they trust I was strong enough to hear and wise enough to learn from it.
Any of this sound familiar?
Maybe your partner is cheating and you are turning a blind eye. Maybe you want to take your relationship to the next level and your sex buddy doesn’t seem to want the same. Perhaps, you have doubt in a relationship with a sibling or parent, questioning their intents or how they move when it comes to you. Or hey, may you have no idea that what you are feeling is doubt, but something just feels off.
That’s OK! Yup! That is OK!
It only becomes an issue when it is not addressed! So, AllTheFUQs have got you covered with a few tips to help admit, address, and get over doubt you have been feeling or may feel in the future.
Write it down.
If you are feeling doubt in a relationship it is easy to ignore it when it is all in your head. It is much more difficult to ignore once it is right in front of you, written for you to be able to read and come to terms with at any time. Writing down the moments you feel doubt in a relationship can also help you to determine a pattern of what the root cause of your doubt may be.
Chat It Up In The Mirror
Before going ahead and confronting someone, confront yourself. One of the most incredibly difficult but equally rewarding things I have learned is to talk to myself in the mirror. Similar to writing down the doubt in a relationship you have, saying it to yourself while to look at yourself make the doubt real. When it real, the doubt in your relationship is harder leave unaddressed.
Be Transparent With Your Partner
I know, I know. Much easier said than done. That still does not mean you should not do it! Once you have written your thoughts out and said them to yourselves, you will find that you will be better equipped to discuss your doubts with your partner. Your thoughts and your communication will be much clearer than they would have been otherwise.
Do Not Put It Off
You deserve to have your doubts answered and your partner deserves full communication. I have been terrified to he fully honest, scared of how my partner may react. But never have I have I felt that I was wrong for speaking my truth. I am not saying be fully transparent on their birthday, or on a 13-hour flight across the globe, but do not drag your feet if you do not have to.
Track the Trend
Are these worries that you have felt in other relationships? Are there red flags that you are pretending not to see? Or has your partner answered your questions time and time again through their words and their actions and you won’t let it go? Either way, tracking these trends are important to know how we can learn and better ourselves.
All The FUQs
Do we every really want the truth? Are we even equipped to handle it? These are the questions you should ask first.
Your questions are valid. Does it really help to silence your doubts or does it just prolong the inevitable a bit?
You are worth the conversation. Sip on that for a while.
