Before sex, we fib about stealing cookies and breaking stuff when we know we are already caught. And then, before and after we become sexually experienced, the lies remain equally ridiculous and unbelievable. Very little changes!
How many of lies below have you said or heard? When you heard them, did you play along?
1. Sloppy sex is gross
Just check out a the sloppy sex question posted on Reddit! The more lubrication the better! Sloppy sex does not always equate to gross. Sex is not often neat, especially with bodily fluids being secreted! Be honest about your level of sloppiness with your partner and let that be the rule between and for y'all.
2.Orgasms are not that important
Even though orgasms are not the only important part of sex, they are still an important part for many. The bigger idea to understand is sexual pleasure play. By not focusing on the Big-O to heavily both partners can actually find more pleasure in the process and expereince and even bigger orgasm!
3. Just the tip
One of my personal annoyances. Since my first sexual partner, this is a phrase (or version of the phrase) that I have heard partners or potential partner's suggest when I was not interested in having sex. Even though the head of the penis has the most nerve endings and is therefore the most sensitive, I promise you, it NEVER ends with the tip! So, simply put, if you don't want all of it in you, have none of it in you.
4. I've only got eyes for you.
This is the lie we tell our partners as a false comfort. The reality is that it is very rare, if ever true, that we do not find other people attractive/eye-catching. That is OK! It does not automatically mean you are deceiving your partner. As long as you have clear rules about permissible interactions with others, go ahead and gaze! I will be.
5. We're gunna go all night long
Before having sex for the first time I was so nervous that I would not have the stamina to keep up with my soon-to-be first lover. I mean, he was gunna hit it, flip, AND put it in reverse all through the night. And then I had sex and realized "all night long" meant did not literally mean all night. We get tired, and sex for that many consecutive hours is actually not comfortable. Besides, you or your partner may not have the stamina or ability to last after a few minutes! So word to the wise, under sell and over deliver.
6. We don't need a condom, I'll pull out.
No, no HELL NAH! Attention: This is not a method of birth control. This is a method of hide-and go seek a potential pregnancy or STI. Speaking at this moment for hetero-relationships, pre-cum is very real though often denied by men. Also, it is possible, even with anal to become impregnated.
In any relationship, pulling out does not guarantee protection from STI/D's. I know it may feel better momentarily, but wrap it up anyway.
7. I'm on birth control.
To be on birth control and to be using birth control properly are two different things. The UXCF Bixby Center reported a study that Black and Hispanic women are less likely to "use effective methods of contraception," and that black women are more likely for an" unintended pregnancy."
For black and brown women, discrimination and racial pressures already lower our chances to use long-acting reversible contraceptives (LARC); and another form of birth control may work better for you. However, whatever your form of real birth control (no pulling out does not count) proper practice and execution are key.
8. Head is not important.
I do not know what DJ Khaled was talking about with this one! Unless your partner has specifically shared with you that they do not like getting oral sex from you or from anyone at all, I would make the argument that getting head can be so much fun!
9. I'm a freak
In my experince, the truth has been with those who are able to show more than they need to tell. OKAY!
10. Women don't get that horny
Both men and women have a hormone known as testosterone, just in different percentages. Testosterone, helps to fuel our desire for sex. So, women too, get horny y'all! Around ovulation, a woman's testosterone's levels leap and bay-beh we are off!
The FUQS
- There are sex lies everywhere! But your body never lies! So listen to your body first and foremost.
- Sex is a learning curve and we all make mistakes. All The FUQs is here to help you dodge some mistakes but inevitably we one or two. What matters most is that we try our best to take care of ourselves, the lesson learned and the knowledge shared.
- Once you have discovered a myth, share the truth! These myths are dangerous to our communities and our health.
