“What’s the point of looking good when you start dating to only willingly let you look deteriorate during the relationship?”
Earlier this week, AllTheFUQs.com got under the covers to the roots, our hair roots that is. We talked about hair and sex, and if wrapping your hair or wearing a du-rag can ever ruin sex. And while real solutions were shared and can certainly be helpful, what about when you do not even see it as a problem? Sure, there can be pressures to recreate what we believe are the only acceptable versions of sexy, but what about when your version of sexy and comfort does not align with your partner? Does your routine need to change before your partner’s outlook does? Should we be so quick to accept someone else’s terms of what is sexy before we have even defined our own?
“Quick rule of thumb, not your hair, not your problem, not your business, not your opinion that counts. ”
Who Wraps Their Hair?
To begin, it must be clear that this is not a gender specific topic. Within communities of color, and most certainly within the black community, hair wrapping is a cultural tradition practiced by both those who identify as men as well as women. Self-care and grooming need not be incorrectly focused on one gender or sexuality type.
What’s the Need For a Bonnet in Bed? It’s Just Hair
Yeaaa… I would not suggest those as the word of choice when speaking to a man or woman who chooses to participate in the head wrapping ritual. That is a quick way to create a problem that did not need to exist! Quick rule of thumb, not your hair, not your problem, not your business, not your opinion that counts.
Is Hair Wrapping Distracting?
There have been deliberate strides to embrace hair wrapping and du-rags within our community. As a common imprint in most of our childhoods, we know that a head wrap is not always as glamorous as Bey will depict it to be. But does that automatically sign if off as bad?
I would vote NO. Personally, I have made it a goal of mine to be as transparent about my routines as possible. It is not a long period of time until my partner sees me pull out my bonnet or silk wrap to protect my tresses. What’s the point of looking good when you start dating to only willingly let you look deteriorate during the relationship?
What About a Relationship With a Different Race?
Ok. Let’s say that you choose a partner that does not come from the same background as you and does not have the same norms?
It can sometimes feel easier to simply acquiesce or pretend your nighttime rituals do not exist, but in the long run it never is. Don’t make our fresh fade suffer because of conceived insecurities!
The FUQS
Look great and be great. Then get a partner to match your fly
What is sexy to you may bot be sexy to someone else. But that is OK. What not ok is minimizing what makes you feel good for someone else. The goal is to compliment not replace.
You hair choices do not need to get in the way of your sexual experience unless you or your partner want it to.
