The first time I saw an erection in person, I thought I knew all there was to know about sex. A late
bloomer to the activity, I heard detailed stories from friends and saw plenty of adult films. Yet, the
Universe still had surprises.

I knew penises came in different sizes. I had no idea about the various shapes. This one looked like a baseball bat, sort of. It got significantly thinner down the shaft. As soon as I saw it, I got scared. Quickly, I had to fix my face, so he couldn’t see the horror and confusion in my eyes. I always thought girth increased down the shaft or stayed the same. I wasn’t prepared to take on an exaggerated baseball bat. While we were making out, I was excited for this moment. I could feel the bulge forming in his pants. It looked like a snake getting ready to burst out. There wasn’t enough room for a happy dick in those jeans. After the reveal, a part of me wished he had kept it in his pants, and we would just keep making out. But, like so many women before me, I soldiered on, even though I was nervous about this thing coming anywhere near me, let alone inside of me. Thanks Universe!

So, hesitantly, I took his rock in my hand and stroked it like they do in the movies. Surprisingly, I liked the feel of it, pure muscle. Fascinated, I started to study the veins and lines of his shaft. I’d almost forgotten it was attached to this guy, until he responded to my touch. After a few strokes, I understood all the gross spit in the movies. This muthafucka was dry as hell. Guys don’t have their own built in lubrication system, like women. Thanks, vagina! So, that’s why guys need lotion or something slippery to jerk themselves off. These were the lightbulbs going off in my head as I attempted my first ever round of fellatio.

I didn’t know what I was doing. I copied the motions of the porn actresses. I’d just met this guy and wanted him to believe I had more experience than I did. During our rendezvous, I could tell he wasn’t experienced, either. If I knew him more, I probably would have been more forthcoming about my experience level. We could have slowed down, and he’d have been more comfortable, as well. We went through the motions and it was awkward. It got so quiet at one point, I almost laughed. I didn’t think sex could be so quiet. Clearly, we both had a lot more to learn.

The FUQs

• Erections, like people, come in all shapes and sizes. Be open to what your partner has to offer.
   
• For many people, knowing and being comfortable with their sex partner leads to a more
  fulfilling experience. That’s because people are more likely to be more vocal about their wants
  and needs with someone they know well. However, even if you’ve just met the person you are
  having sex with, SPEAK UP! Most people can appreciate a lover who can vocalize what
  he/she/they wants or doesn’t want.
   
• By listening to your partner, you learn what he/she/they likes, instead of mimicking moves in
  adult films or moves an ex used to like. Don’t assume your new partner will like something, just
  because your ex did.
   
• If you’re a little nervous about having sex with someone, say so. SPEAK UP! I wish I had. A
  person worthy of your body will understand. Creeps and assholes will walk away, which is a
  good thing.