Backsliding, going back to an ex after a break up, is often as messy as it sounds. Whether you are 13 or 35 it can be hard to make an “official break-up” really official. We al know it. 

 Trust me I get it. The story always follows the same blueprint. The relationship ends, often times dramatically, and you immediately call your friends to exclaim that you’re DONE! You’re fed up, have seen you’re ex’s true colors, deserve better, etc etc. All the faults you saw during the relationship that you had chosen to ignore suddenly can’t spew out of your mouth fast enough and your friends are right there to sop it up, falling right into position to support your new found reality. They were never worth your time… Let’s hit the club and bag something… I don’t know why you were boo'd up in the first place...Finally!

And then a few weeks pass and your adamant demeanor has worn thin. You’ve got a bunch of idle time now that you aren’t booed up, your friends have their own lives to live, and cuffing season is around the corner. Now what?

This is when backsliding becomes a real option. You start reminiscing, scrolling through happy photos, even some sexy pics/movies the you may have taken. Your body is missing and craving the regular sex schedule it was used to and your hands are not as warm as their body.

Don’t front. You know this sounds familiar.

Bottom Line?

I’ve been susceptible to backsliding time and time again since I was 15. It has taken me a long time to learn from my mistakes. 

So here are 6 tips to a successful break-up, or at the very least a less messy backslide to help you through.

1. Give yourself a break.
   
   We all do it. None of us are perfect. In the heat of the moment after a break up, one emotion is at the forefront. But emotions flow in and out.You were with that individual for a reason and the body and mind don’t just forget. Don’t be tough on yourself for thinking about them after the fact.
   

2. Backsliding can be, but does not have to be physical.
   
   I’ve reached out to an ex to catch up or even just to share an inside joke. I have also reached out because my body craved attention and I knew I could satisfy the immediate craving with them.  Both of these were examples of backsliding back into a space that was both known and comfortable.
    

3. Distance is key.
   
   Blocking and deleting their number and social media is a MUST. I don’t just mean delete the number but leave the voicemails. Delete it ALL. Give yourself time and an actual chance.
    

4. Invest in a distraction.
   
   This could be a new hobby, chilling more with your friends, getting swole at the gym, music, or the list of things you’ve been planning to do but didn’t have time to do while you were in your partner’s bed.

5. Cash in that friendship card.
   
   Put your friends to work! You’ve dealt with their crazy shit. It’s their turn. Make them chill on the block with you, hit up one the black owned spots you frequent together, listen to the new Kendrick Lamar album. Whatever it takes.
    

6. Use the silence to your advantage.
   
   It can feel very weird to be by yourself, especially when you haven’t had to be in a long time. But weird is not always synonymous with wrong. Give yourself a chance. You may not have noticed how much need silence until you allow yourself some. Trust.

The FUQs:

1. Breakups are naturally difficult to maneuver. But you or they ended it for a reason. If the break up happened today, the problem has probably been existent for months.

2. If you slip up and slip in, make sure you know why. And then really evaluate later if its was worth it. You body will typically help you with that.

3. Breakup are not the end of the world. Work it right, and you might just open yourself to something even better.