I have experienced some of the absolute best and worst case scenarios when it comes to messy sex. I have had the kind of messy sex where you get a sexy dew that glistens off your naked body and makes feel like a goddess. I’ve also had the kind of sex where a man’s sweat dripped on me like a leaky faucet, you know, not enough to bathe in it but enough to completely piss you off. The only fact that strings these two situations together is that they were messy sex that happened to me and I wasn’t prepared for it.  

Most people shut down messy sex because they say it’s not cute - and to be honest it’s not! Ever made a sex tape and then actually looked at it? Unless it's professionally done, chances are not every angle is going to be your best shot. Doesn’t mean you didn’t have fun though!

This week, with the change in weather and just how nasty it has been outside, I got to thinking about warmer days, and sex in warmer climates. Somehow, it was impossible to think of a great roll in the summertime sheets without immediately thinking of a time that I somehow have not yet managed to forget. So why not share them, right? Below, are my best and worst messy sex scenes. Hopefully my joy and embarrassments can help you from making the same mistakes.

Messy Sex: Best and Worst in Hot Climates

The Best - The Oscillating Fan Scenario

My boyfriend and I have an understanding when I visit his place. We always start with a kiss and a hug, cook, cuddle up for some Netflix, and then have typically have sex. It’s not a routine we always follow, but one that I have come to look forward to. But this time was different. You could have cut the horny-ness between my boyfriend and I with a knife.

It had been a couple of weeks since we’d seen each other, but we trying to play it cool. I’d prepared before going over, just enough to look to put together without looking like I’d tried as hard as I actually had. I’d dabbed a little perfume on the nape of my neck, my wrists and my cleavage so he’d get a subtle whiff when I kissed him.

It was a hot, somewhat humid summer evening and I had just gotten home from some travel. From the way he held me when we kissed, we both knew it was only a matter of time before the clothes came off.

I’m a sweater, so when it is hot I actually don’t like to be touched much. You know, body heat and all. My boyfriend, who knows this, actually managed to use this to turn me on. While we tuned into some Jane the Virgin, he turned me on, laying close enough that I could feel his growing erection, sense his breath on my neck, and feel him lightly graze his fingers along my side. The close distance was steamy.

So, yeah, we didn’t make it to the end of the episode but we did have some very intense messy sex. Each move we made was with the intent to build off the last and it worked! And the icing on the cake? The oscillating fan giving us quick shots of relief. On top of our sexual synergy, each cool breeze sent a little shock to the system that intensified every position.

The Worst - The No AC Having Dude Scenario

College summers were always interesting. Coming back to New York, you never know what guys are coming out to test their game on you. I certainly was not prepared for the over sweater.

As someone who sweats easily, I know how uncomfortable the summer months can be. However, that does not mean you get a free pass to leave puddle everywhere! 

I had met a buff, very physically attractive guy and had been hanging out with him for a while. After a month, I was open to coming over –not for sex—but maybe a little fondling action.

He had an apartment in Brooklyn, but his air conditioner was broken. The walls seemed to sweating as much as he was when he opened the door. The air was humid and no wind coming through. And to top it off, a leather couch!

We tried to watch some TV but the heat was too distracting. Mistaking my disinterest in the TV show for interest in him, Mr. Buff made his move. Making out was actually OK, nothing memorable but certainly took my mind off the heat. Until, he tried to lay me down. My sweaty back stuck to leather couch making awkward sounds. He didn’t seem to notice, probably because he was trying to position his chest on top me.

Mr. Buff tried a the “pause and look into each other’s eyes” move, to set the mood but instead he set himself up for a quick end to a lack luster make out session. As he paused to brush his moist fingers across the side of my face, a drop of sweat from him forehead hit mine.

And that was it! The thought of our sweat blending together and leaving a trail on the leather couch was just TOO much for me to handle. I never even got to have messy sex. His sweat hit me and my feet had to hit the pavement. I left and never looked back to Mr. Buff and his sweat lodge.

Messy Sex: You Can’t Avoid It So Join It!

Cum

A lot of people do not talk about sex, and even less people talk about what happens post-sex. Messy sex can happen during and after sex, especially when it comes to fluids like lubricants and bodily fluids like cum.

To be honest, most sex is messy sex in one way or another. You might mess up your hair, your sheets or both. And then there are all the fluids to be consider that no one talks about. I can be very, let’s say particular, when it comes to semen. In high school, when other girls and boys were busy giving and getting head, it was not an option for me. I had no interest in giving head until I was in my 20’s, not only because it grossed me out, but more so because I didn’t understand the logistics behind it.

I mean , is it better to use a rag or cloth to wipe yourselves off like a windshield wiper? Or should you jump into the shower immediately? Is it rude to not swallow or should your only come up for air cover with… “you?”

Lubricants

When it comes to the mess that comes with lubricants,it is always a great idea to make sure you are using one that will not stain your sheets. I mean the worst thing is to try something new in bed, like anal, finish up and have huge questionable stains. Serious mood killer.

The devil can be in the details when it comes to lube. A great and sometimes necessary addition to sex, lubricants can help keep the sex pleasurable for everyone. Just make sure to use what you need. Check out the lube link above to get a full tutorial on lubricants types and best case use.

All The FUQS

• Messy sex can be fun sex it or it can be gross. Haha. That’s OK. We all have to figure out one way or another what we like! No need to sweat it.

• Lubricants can be great. Be aware, oil based lube can make for very messy sex and clean up and can also breakdown condoms.

• For many men, the sloppier the oral sex the better. For man women, it is the opposite. Do not be afraid to ask, or try it out and let their reaction help guide you.

• When you or your partner cum, some may just get on you. If this is not for you, be sure to make your partner aware.